It seems like a dirty word.
I don’t like others being in charge. I don’t like to follow through with other people’s original ideas. I struggle with wanting to always be the boss, be in control, and make the final call. That is why the call to follow and be obedient to God isn’t all sunshine and rainbows for me.
Don’t get me wrong- these leadership qualities (or being called a “Bossy Pants”) have been extremely helpful in my life. They give me the drive to work harder and longer to see a project wrap up perfectly. I find it easy to lead people on a team and don’t turn away from a chance to try something new (as long as I am the one who created the new thing.) I thrive in scenarios that require quick-thinking and an even faster responding.
But when God calls me to do things that aren’t my idea, to chase after him into the unknown, I hesitate.
I pause and consider. The leader in me throws a fit.
“I want to decide how to do this!”
“But what if I have a better idea of what to do next?”
“Aren’t I the one who should call the shots? It is MY life, afterall.”
And God gently corrects me each time. It is as if He places his hand on the small of my back, softly guiding my steps forward. Comforting, yet firm and focused.
This is such a time in my life.
My husband Joey and I just announced that we are moving to Texas. This revelation from God came to me as completely unexpected and wholly indisputable. God was calling us to move, period. Not only was this unexpected, but it required quick movement. We have had a little over a month to pack our things, transition from a ministry that we are deeply rooted in, and follow God across three states. Leaving my family, a church home we deeply love, and a city that I have been passionately involved in.
God was calling me to be obedient, and it was going to hurt my pride and bring to light my control issues.
I tried to push the timeline of the move, at least wait until Thanksgiving. My ministry would be in a better transition time, my son could easily transfer schools, and it would give me time to relish the relationships I had built over the past six years in ministry. But God had a different plan that involved us leaving sooner than I desired. And I was deeply sad – like, ugly-cry-face, can’t-speak, soul-crushing-sadness and anxiety. I couldn’t see how life could get any better doing anything other than what I was doing! I loved working in children’s ministry. I was making a difference in the lives of those I served along with, and I was on a spiritual growth spurt that was out of this world.
God came along, affirmed what had been happening in my life and whispered,
“What if I can give you more?”
“Do you trust me that I know what is best? If you really trust me, follow me, and see what I do in your life. Because I cannot work if you don’t give up everything to follow me…”
Not only spiritually follow God, but physically follow Him.
“Okay, God. You’re the boss. Lead the way and I will chase after you.”
Once I felt God’s presence in the midst of my breakdown, I could breathe. My life is not going to look anything like I ever imagined. That is equally exhilarating and terrifying. But my God is faithful and I am ready to see what he does in this tiny, obedient heart.
“However, as it is written:
‘What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived’
the things God has prepared for those who love Him.”
1 Corinthians 2:9
Is God calling you to step out of your comfort zone to be obedient?