He was the captain of the football team. I was the Varsity cheerleading captain. We were Homecoming King and Queen. We had dated on-and-off for over 7 years, people. Our relationship was one many considered “perfect.”
Unfortunately, love can make you do crazy stuff.
I had never been “the crazy girl” (you know exactly what I am talking about!). As high school was ending, we had stopped dating. Over time, I lost sight of who I was and began to look for my identity in being a girlfriend. Unfortunately, I wasn’t dating anyone, so I decided to get back together with the Homecoming King. This is where my story starts to sound like a creepy Lifetime movie, staring a crazy woman stalking the man she loves, eating food out of his fridge and sleeping in his bed when he is away on business…
But really, how many of us have felt this same way towards a guy? We decide they are our true love and we lose our minds! We want so intensely to be with them that we throw the rules (and godly wisdom) out the window! No matter what our friends say, no matter what reality says, we refuse to see the truth! I started to keep a journal just for him, professing my love. I even made a mix tape. That’s right. Hours of love songs recorded just for him- some background music whilst he dreamt about what we would someday name our children, I guess.
Maybe that’s what made it all go wrong.
I professed my love for him one night in his driveway, (romantic, right?) letting him know I wanted to make “us” work, once and for all. I handed over my journal and mix tape and held my breath. He looked at me and calmly said, “Erica. This just isn’t going to work…”
Umm…can I have that journal back please?! When I die here from a broken heart and they find my body behind your stupid, ugly car, I don’t want that journal to be the media’s source of quotes for my psychotic obsession with you! I was in shock. All those years he had promised we would end up together and he would always love me! He was not allowed to change his mind! How could he turn down this chance at love? What was wrong with me? How could I have been so stupid? Why would I ever believe that he loved me?
… Do you see what happened there?
I took a moment of hurt and turned it into a vehicle to bash myself, as if my love being rejected meant something was wrong with me. Have you ever done that? Turned someone else’s opinion of you into a tool to harm yourself? It is absolutely crazy and self-destructive! No one should live in that mindset. Today, if you are living in “the crazy” in your relationships, you can change!
How to break the crazy
Take responsibility for your part of the story.
I took a long hard look at my life and realized what I had become: a girl spending all her time and energy on an imaginary relationship. I had to stop lying to myself and own my place in the story. If this is you, you may need to ask a good friend for an honest look at how you are treating your relationships.
Care for your heart.
I started to feed my ears anything other than Celine Dion on repeat. I chose to stop watching chick flicks for awhile. All that sappy stuff had put me in a love-obsessed mindset! I began to feed my heart and mind the words of the Bible. I needed to know that I was cherished and loved, with or without a boy in my life.
Forget about dating?
I don’t think that God calls everyone to abstain from dating, but I knew that was what I needed. There was no need to run to another relationship. Psalm 147:3 says “God heals the broken heart.” After years of dating one guy, it hurts to see it end. It turned out that God cared about me and my healing much more than I thought.
Ultimately, the Homecoming King and I parted as friends and both moved on, but I was forever changed.
How have you broken “the crazy” in your own love life?
*Check in tomorrow for our last LOVE post… You won’t want to miss it!
Rachel Whitfield says
Funny and insightful! Thanks for sharing your “craxy”!
Rachel Whitfield says
Funny and insightful! Thanks for sharing your “crazy”!
So… funny story. Working with Joey at Commerce was definitely a catalyst for getting out of my ‘crazy’ of an old relationship. I’d been with this guy on and off since highschool, even people who didn’t know me well (ahem, I’d been at Commerce, like, a month) knew he was bad for me. Joey basically told me one day ‘um, this dude is horrible for you, just so ya know. But I’m not gonna tell you what to do, just saying, you can do way better.’ It was pretty eye opening that someone who hardly knew me saw it, and thought I was worth enough to bring it to my attention. Hope you both know how many lives you touch, even in your day to day. Can’t wait to keep reading, Erica!
Erica Willis says
Thanks, Samantha! Joey has never been known to let a girl go-on dating a bad guy 😉 Glad you and Joey could have those kind of conversations!