My son said something that cut to my heart:
“I wish my sister was never born. When she wasn’t here, I never got in trouble. It was better when it was just you, me and Dad.”
No mother wants to hear her child express that they don’t like their sibling. I understand there are struggles that will naturally occur between brother and sister. I grew up with a brother and we fought often. There is even a story circulating in my family of how I tried to “gently persuade” him to stop crying by putting a pillow over his face when he was an infant…
I plead the fifth.
My family is living in that strange transition between homes, schools, jobs and LIFE. I am a routine person because my kids need structure to thrive, those boundaries and expectations to keep their attitudes in check. Otherwise, they are a nightmare to parent. They act out, yelling at me and each other.
I have started to resent their misbehavior as a personal attack on me.
This is not true. They act out for different reasons like not enough sleep or feeling lost in the shuffle of our changing lives. As a mom it feels personal when they are screaming directly at me, as if I am to blame for all their problems. Which, by the way, are things like not getting another piece of candy.
Earth shattering, I know.
In those intense moments, I hate the person I become towards them- quick to anger, frustrated. As I reflect at the end of the day, I am ashamed at how many times I lashed out at them for their attitude.
It is then I also look for an “out.”
I don’t want to be responsible for my actions. I make excuses. If everything was the way it USED to be, I wouldn’t be like this. If my kids would just behave, I would be nice again. It isn’t my fault! If I didn’t have kids, I would be my usual fun self.
I start sounding like my six year old.
I have been evaluating my current life situation based on the belief that my attitude is just reflective of my horrible, selfish, little monster children, when it is really just a reflection of how I choose to react to them. There is no one else to blame for my change in attitude other than myself.
But the Bible tells us:
As a mom, I cannot keep losing my temper. I am smarter than that! I cannot begin to believe that my life is better “without” my kids, even on my worst days. God doesn’t lose His temper with me. He doesn’t turn his back on me or wish I wasn’t born. He is patient and caring and always loves me, no matter what. I want to be all those things for my own children.
Moms, I know you get it.
Comment below and we can talk it out. What do you do to reset your attitude when you just can’t take anymore? What sets you off the most with your kids, and how do you keep your reactions pleasing to God?